Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Ridiculous NBA Predictions

WARNING: You better wear a helmet while reading this blog so you don’t make a mess when I blow your mind.

Well the NBA Season is underway. Unfortunately my Cleveland Cavaliers lost last night to the hated Boston Celtics. The Lakers held on for a 7 point victory over the putrid LA Clippers. And the Wizards and the Blazers also won. I know I should have done these predictions before the games yesterday, but it slipped my mind. So here are my expert, biased and somewhat out of the ordinary NBA predictions.

Friday, October 30th- Chicago at Boston: Not losing a beat from their classic 1st round playoff series, this early season game goes into 2 OT’s with the Bulls winning with a buzzer beater from seldom used center Aaron Gray.

Friday, November 6th- Cleveland at New York: In an effort to win over LeBron, the Knicks fan chant MVP! Every time LeBron touches the ball. These chants continue all year.

Sunday, November 8th- Golden State at Sacramento: Sacramento starts 0-7, but no one notices. People do notice Stephen Curry’s terrific play. He goes 6-9 from 3’s and scores 26 points.

Sunday, November 15th- Houston at LA Lakers- In Trevor Arizas first game back against the Lakers, it looks as if he was just a product of the system in LA. He goes 3-14, with just 7 points as the Lakers win big.

Saturday, November 21st- In the first major trade of the year, the Charlotte Bobcats trade DJ Augustin, Gerald Wallace and Vladmir Radmonovic to the Phoenix Suns for Amare Stoudamire.

Thursday, November 26th- Orlando at Atlanta: Stan Van Gundy does not go to the game because he got done eating his Thanksgiving dinner too late. Patrick “Chewing” Ewing gets his 1st chance to coach, and gets a win.

Friday, December 4th- Dallas at Memphis: Allen Iverson shows his frustration with his situation in Memphis by picking a fight with OJ Mayo after a Grizzlies loss. He is released by the Grizzlies 2 days later.

Thursday, December 17th- In a shocking press conference, Michael Jordan announces he will be returning to the NBA to play for his Charlotte Bobcats who are in playoff contention.

Friday, December 25th- In what was considered the best day of basketball all season, we see 3 games go into overtime. First, the Boston Celtics lose to the Orlando Magic in OT when Vince Carter hits 2 clutch 3 pointers down the stretch. The Lakers win in OT vs Cleveland. Kobe and LeBron both go off for 50 points. And in the final and best game of the night, the Blazers beat the Nuggets in 2 OT’s. Brandon Roy cements himself as a great clutch player, by hitting buzzer beaters at the end of Regulation and OT, and then the game winner in 2 OT.

Monday, December 28th- Milwaukee at Charlotte: In MJ’s first game back, he starts and scores 14 points. The Bobcats get a win and the Amare/MJ duo looked surprisingly sharp.

Saturday, January 2nd- Cleveland at New Jersey: Nets owner Jay-Z shows up to the game wearing a personalized LeBron James New Jersey Nets jersey. This causes alot of buzz and rumors that LeBron has told Jay-Z he will be leaving the Cleveland.

Sunday, January 3rd- Charlotte at Cleveland: MJ vs. LBJ for the first time. The Cavs win easy, and the game is highlighted by a chase down block that LeBron had on MJ.

Saturday, January 23rd- Minnesota at Milwaukee: This game has the lowest attendance of any game all year. The Bucks win 91-79 (but no one cared)

Monday, January 25th- LA Clippers at Boston: Blake Griffin steals the show in Boston and helps the Clippers win. Griffin scores 38 and grabs 14 rebounds. The first sign of destruction in Boston is seen as KG and Rasheed get into an argument during the game when Rasheed calls out KG for his defense on Griffin.

Tuesday, February 9th- Oklahoma City at Portland: The best game of the year breaks the record for most points in a game. Portland wins a wild 5 OT game 191-188. Brandon Roy and Kevin Durant are in the spotlight. Durant scores a career high 67 points. Roy scores 58 and has another game winning 3 pointer.

All Star Weekend- In the Rookie vs. Sophomore game, the rookies steal a win from the Sophomores. Tyreke Evans is the games MVP. At the Skills challenge, Derrick Rose defeats Chris Paul in a very close final. In the 3 point contest, Dirk Nowitzki defeats Stephen Curry in the final. And in an iconic Slam Dunk contest, LeBron James narrowly defeats Dwight Howard in the finals of the dunk contest. The All Star game is won by the Western Conference, 132-125. Chris Paul (16 points/21 assists) and Dirk Nowitzki (27 points/8 rebounds) are the Co MVP’s.

Saturday, March 6th- Golden State at Charlotte: In Stephen Curry’s return to his hometown, he goes off for 40 points, including 8 3 pointers and the game winner. Jordan scores 21 points and politely congratulates Curry for playing great after the game.

Sunday, March 14th- Boston at Cleveland: LeBron and Shaq look more in sync than ever as the Cavs cruise to a 108-80 win. After the game, Rasheed Wallace attempts to fight Kevin Garnett. During the fight, Garnett tweaks his knee. Rasheed is suspended indefinitely.

Sunday, March 28th- San Antonio at Boston: Kevin Garnett hurts his knee again, and is put on the DL for the rest of the year. The Celtics sign former forward Antoine Walker the next day.

Sunday, April 4th- Cleveland at Boston/San Antonio at LA Lakers: Cleveland wins in Boston and goes up 1 game on the Celtics for 1st in the East. The Lakers win against the Spurs. This drops the Spurs to 3rd in the West, as the Blazers are 2nd.

Wednesday, April 14th- As teams are jockeying for spots and berths in the playoffs, there are a number of great games. In a game to decide who gets the 7th/8th seed in the playoffs, the Bobcats defeat the Bulls as Jordan hits his first buzzer beater game winner as a Bobcat. With a chance to get the 3rd seed in the west, the Mavs lose at home against the Spurs. Houston defeats New Orleans which knocks the Hornets out of the playoffs, and puts the Warriors in despite their loss to the Blazers. Immediately after their last game, Dwayne Wade announces he will not re-sign with the Heat because they did not make the playoffs

End of year standings
1. Cleveland 2. Boston 3. Orlando 4. Washington 5. Toronto 6. Atlanta 7. Charlotte 8. Chicago 9. Miami 10. Detroit 11. Philadelphia 12. Indiana 13. New Jersey 14. New York 15. Milwaukee

1. LA Lakers 2. Portland 3. San Antonio 4. Dallas 5. Utah 6. Denver 7. Oklahoma City 8. Golden State 9. New Orleans 10. Phoenix 11. LA Clippers 12. Houston 13. Memphis 14. Sacramento 15. Minnesota

Round 1: The Cavs defeat the Bulls with relative ease in 4 games. Charlotte upsets the KG/Sheed-less Celtics in 6. MJ plays great in game 6, scoring 25 points and dishing 9 assists. The Magic win in 6 games against the Hawks. Washington beats Toronto in 7. Gilbert Arenas hits a game winner in game 7. The Lakers hold off Steph Curry and the Warriors in 4 games. The Blazers and Thunder have 7 classic games similar to the Bulls/Celtics series last year. It turns into the Roy vs. Durant show and the Blazers win game 7. San Antonio defeats Denver in 6. And Utah upsets Dallas in 6.

Round 2: The Cavs/Wizards rivalry is re-sparked in game 1 when LeBron goes hard to the rim and Deshawn Stevenson fowls him hard. The Cavs win a hard fought and dirty series in 6. MJ and the Bobcats take the Magic to 7 games, but in the end the Magic are too tough. After the game Jordan announces he will return for one more season. The Lakers take out Utah in 5. But following game 6, Khloe Kardashian announces she wants a divorce from Lamar Odom. She also says that her and Ron Artest had an affair earlier in the year. The Blazers beat the Spurs in 7. It appears as if the Spurs dynasty may have come to an end.

Conference Finals: The Cavs take on the team that eliminated them last year. The teams split the first 4 games. The Cavs win easy in game 5. The Magic win game 6 in Orlando with a Vince Carter 3 at the buzzer. In game 7, the Shaq trade proves to be beneficial, as the Cavs win in Cleveland as LeBron and Shaq both play great in the deciding game. Despite the off court issues, the Lakers look united early in the series. They jump up 2-0 on the young Blazers. But once the series shifts to Portland, the Blazers take the momentum by winning both games. Kobe vows that the Lakers will not lose the series, and his statement holds true as the Lakers win the next 2 games.

NBA Finals: The match-up everyone wanted is finally here. The Lakers have home court advantage, but the Cavaliers steal game 1, and then go up 3-2. The continued drama with the Khloe Kardashian situation reaches a breaking point when photos of her and Artest are released. The two men can’t mesh on the court, and the Cleveland Cavaliers take advantage and win game 6 in Staples. LeBron is named Finals MVP, and the mission is complete. Shaq won the ring for the King.

Well, these predictions are no doubt very far fetched. But realistically, I did pick the Cavs to defeat the Lakers in the NBA Finals. Everyone who reads this, please become a follower. We need support. Thank You, God Bless and remember: Keep Following the Captain!