NBA Playoffs... With A Hangover

 

The Hangover: Part II comes out
May 26th.



Not counting the NBA playoffs, there is something big is receiving a lot of build-up. You’ve probably seen the previews for it during the playoffs. No, it isn’t Franklin and Bash, starring Breckin Meyer
and Mark-Paul Gosselaar, which premieres at 9 p.m. on Wednesday June 1^st only on TNT. The one thing that tops Franklin and Bash is The Hangover: Part II, the sequel to the 2009 smash hit comedy that I saw a whopping five times in theatres. I don’t need to go into how epic Hangover II is going to be. I’m sure you already know this if you saw the first one, which quickly leapt into the pantheon of great comedies, and movies that contain a ton of quotes that are fun to use. What I want to do is take a look at some memorable Hangover quotes, and tie them into this year’s NBA playoffs.

“That's classic!”
-The best moment of a very memorable 2011 NBA playoffs is without question Brandon Roy’s game four take over in the first round versus Dallas. It involved the right player (Brandon Roy, who just days before had commented on how hurt he was that his role had been diminished) and the right teams (Dallas, who has a history of choking away games, and Portland, whose crowd was spectacular throughout the events that were transpiring). The only problem is Portland didn’t go on to win the series. In the long run, this remarkable performance could end up being forgotten because Portland was bounced rather easily just two games later. Should it be? Absolutely not. This NBA season has been important for so many reasons: The Lakers quest for a 3 peat, a nationwide backlash against the Miami Heat, Derrick Rose taking the next step and winning the MVP, Blake Griffin becoming the most exciting player in the league in just one season, Melo-Drama, Memphis upsetting San Antonio and most likely ending the Spurs dynasty, and John Wall doing the best Dougie ever. Despite all of that, I am giving my favorite Hangover quote to Brandon Roy’s game four performance.

“Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win. Counting cards is a foolproof system.”
-Memphis blatantly tanked the last two games of the regular season by resting Z-Bo, and giving big minutes to Ishmael Smith, Greivis Vasquez and the Rony Seikely look alike Hamed Haddadi. Why would they do this? To ensure that they were the 8 seed so they could play the team with the best record in the west… who they happened to be much, much better than. Make no mistake, the Grizzlies first round victory was no fluke. And if they beat the Thunder, it again will not be a fluke. If they win the Western Conference, to paraphrase the Soup Nazi, “No fluke for you!” The Grizzlies have the best 4/5 tandem in the playoffs with Randolph and Gasol. They have two of the best perimeter defenders in the playoffs in Tony Allen and Shane Battier. Mike Conley has held his own when you take into consideration the point guards he has been matched up against. Sam Young, Darrell Arthur, and OJ Mayo have played with a ton of confidence in minor roles, and brilliantly fill out the Grizzlies eight man rotation. It was not a gamble for the Grizzlies to tank their last two games. They were just putting themselves in the best position to make a not so improbable run to the NBA Finals.

“It's not easy.”
“Okay, well, maybe we should tell that to Rain Man, because he practically bankrupt a casino, and he was a retard.”
-I literally searched for an hour trying to find the interview, but I couldn’t find it. I just want to remind everyone that Zach Randolph, the man who is taking the NBA Playoffs by storm, earlier in the season made a remark about how his team “played the whole 42 minutes.” I just thought that this should be mentioned. Also, if anyone reading this knows where to find this video, please let me know.

“Really? Well, then why did I do it? Huh? 'Cause I did it! Riddle me that! Why'd I do it? You know, sometimes I think all you want me to do is what you want me to do. Well, I'm sick of doing what you want me to do all the time. I think, in a healthy relationship, sometimes a guy should be able to do what he wants to do.”
“That is not how this works!”
“Oh, good! Because whatever this is ain't workin' for me!”
-I predicted in my column previewing the playoffs that Chris Paul would immediately demand a trade after his Hornets were swept by the Lakers. I also predicted that Orlando would sweep Atlanta, mainly because they did last year and Atlanta looked completely heartless (not to anyone’s surprise) towards the end of the regular season. Orlando goes down to Atlanta in six games, and the window for the Magic shuts abruptly, right on the fingers of Dwight Howard… and he’s pissed! And can we blame him. He’s on a team with a coach he doesn’t like, but chances are Van Gundy will be on his way out soon. He has teammates that don’t make him better at all, and don’t play defense because they either don’t care or because they realize they have the best interior defender in the game. He has a general manager (Otis Smith) who made two horrible trades that effectively killed the Magic’s chances of being a contender. Those trades: Vince Carter, Marcin Gortat and Mickael Pietrus to Phoenix for Jason Richardson, Hedo Turkoglu and Earl Clark. Carter and Richardson is a wash mainly because they do the same thing, neither of which helps Dwight at all. Pietrus scared the hell out of me coming off the bench and I didn’t see Earl Clark come off the bench at all this year unless it was to give some encouraging high fives during the timeouts. Hedo Turkoglu isn’t even close to being the player he was on their Finals team two years ago, while losing Gortat made Orlando the smallest team in the league, which doubles the amount of pressure on Howard because now he can never afford to get in foul trouble. The other trade that crippled Orlando was Rashard Lewis for Gilbert Arenas. Granted, Lewis wasn’t exactly blowing things up this season before the trade, but remember what took Orlando over the edge in 09? It was the Lewis, Turkoglu, Howard front line, which caused Cleveland so many mismatch problems that I broke two TV remotes in that six game series. Otis Smith made the trade for Turkoglu before the Arenas trade. Why in the hell did he not try out that Lewis, Turkoglu, Howard line-up again? I don’t have the slightest idea, but it most likely put an end to a contending Magic team. Damn it to hell!


“See kids, this is where we bring suspects in order to be detained. Trust me, you do not want to be sitting on these benches. We call this place Loserville.”
-Time to take a look at the other seven teams that got beat in the first round.
-Indiana Pacers: Played extremely hard even though they were overmatched by the Bulls. The big problem for the Pacers was that they Danny Granger either isn’t The Guy, or isn’t ready to be The Guy, and Derrick Rose was. Granger played great, but didn’t make enough plays down the stretch.
-New York Knicks: Everybody knows about Carmelo, Amare, and Billups. There is a reason for this besides the fact that they are all-stars. The other eleven players that fill out the Knicks roster all stink, and that is putting it lightly. They are either past their prime, haven’t hit their prime, or are in their prime but still stink. Let me put it this way, when Mike D’Antoni had to ask himself in game four “Who do I want logging major minutes at point guard because Billups is out: Anthony Carter, Roger Mason or Toney Douglas” and he went with Anthony Carter, you knew the Knicks were in trouble.
-Philadelphia 76ers: LeBron finished his breakfast. It is that simple.
-San Antonio Spurs: I don’t want to dwell on the fact that Tim Duncan was probably the 4th best big guy playing on either team in their first round series. I don’t have any idea if this is the Spurs last hurrah, or Tim Duncan’s last year, but he shouldn’t be remembered for this series, or the past couple years for that matter. He should be remembered as the best power forward ever (sorry Mom), the best player on four championship teams and possibly the best player of the last decade. I’ve never liked him, but seeing him decline so drastically this year was kind of sad. Luckily I can say I frustratingly remember the best of Tim Duncan.
-Denver Nuggets: Denver got jobbed the first game of the series with the no call on Perkins goal tending, and things got out of whack from there. I was, and still am a believer in the fact that Denver got the best of the Carmelo trade, but I have to say it would have benefit them to have someone who could’ve matched Durant shot for shot.
-Portland Trailblazers: I’m just going to assume that the basketball God’s still have something against Portland, and Brandon Roy’s game four performance was just a giant tease.
-New Orleans Hornets: Watching Chris Paul in game one was like watching an instructional video on how to run the point. I don’t care about his knee anymore. If I am a GM I’m giving him as much money for as long as possible when he becomes a free agent. He’s the best pure point guard in the game, and the proof was him carrying a crappy Hornets team to two victories against LA.




Even a lemon twist can't keep Serge from BHC
atop the Serge Rankings.

 “Think you gonna get away with it? Not up in here!”
“Not up in here!”
-This postseason, Serge Ibaka has been blocking shots like it’s his job…. Come to think of it, it is his job, but he’s been doing it pretty damn well. He’s averaging over four blocks per game so far, including a nine block performance in the Thunder’s closeout game versus Denver that not only established him as maybe the most menacing shot blocker in the game, but also as the third best player on a championship contender. Ibaka has made quite a jump from last year where he played like a crazed super-athletic maniac who had no idea what to do on the court, to now establishing himself as a great defensive player with a quickly developing offensive game. The most important tidbit of information that has come out of Serge’s strong post season play is his new-found spot at the top of the rankings for the Greatest Serge’s of All-Time. Serge from Beverly Hills Cop has now been bumped to number two. Somewhere, Eddie Murphy is shaking his head in disgust.


“You hear that? The baby's name is Tyler.”
“Yeah, I thought he looked more like a Carlos too, bud.”
-Carlos Boozer definitely doesn’t look like Carlos this postseason. Luckily for him and his turf toe, Derrick Rose has been playing out of his mind, and we’ve already reached the over in how many times I would yell “You can’t leave the white guy open for three!!!!”


“You're such a bad person! Like, all the way through to your core!”
-To those who are involved with CBS who did not do everything humanly possible to retain Gus Johnson. The NCAA Tournament has lost a bit of its magic. It will never be the same.


“I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger!”
-This quote I reserved for the Hawks after they upset Chicago in game one of the 2nd round because they are the team that just hangs around, and I’m not really sure how they are here. They play horrible team basketball. Their games are difficult to watch, and they have a tendency to get blown out while playing heartless. They are the metaphorical tiger in the bathroom, we aren’t sure how they got there, and after every one of their games you feel like you just got clocked by Mike Tyson.


“To a night the four of us will never forget!”
-And it may be the last “night” that the Celtics Big Four has. I’m not going to say that Boston can’t come back from a 2-0 deficit to win this series, and then go onto the finals. I have too much respect for their core players to say that they can’t. After all, they did just lose two road games, games that Miami was supposed to win. So why am I saying that this could be the last “night” they never forget? Because Garnett looks like he is on his last leg… literally. Pierce and Allen can’t carry the scoring burden like they have been able to in the past. The Perkins trade seemingly sent Rondo into a tailspin, and it’s not like they got the best of the trade either. Jeff Green didn’t really do too much to stop LeBron James in game two. Wasn’t that the purpose of the trade? To find someone to take some defensive pressure off of Paul Pierce, specifically in a series like this.
Game three is by far the biggest game of the series. Can Boston get back in the series with a win? I say yes. If they lose, does Miami get the sweep? I don’t think so. I can’t see this Boston team losing four straight games. Is LeBron James ready for the most ruthless crowd he has ever faced on a big stage? Honestly, I’m not sure. I sure as hell hope so. What kind of hit does LeBron’s legacy take if the Heat end up losing this series? A permanent and devastating one. One that myself, and LeBron will hear about for a while. I still think this series goes seven games, just because NBA fans deserve a classic seven game series that pits everything traditional about basketball (Boston) against everything that is modern about basketball (Miami).


"I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack."
-Is there a more obvious candidate for this quote than Kobe Bryant? The Lakers number two scoring option has been missing in action. My question of the day is do we know for sure that Andrew Bynum’s mention of trust issues isn’t legitimate? Here is my personal opinion on the Lakers: Kobe is pissed because nobody cares like he does, so he is forced to take a ton of shots. Pau, who is naturally passive, is terrified of Kobe who might strangle him if he doesn’t play more aggressive. Bynum is pissed because he is having his best offensive post season ever but not getting playing time down the stretch. Plus he’s playing on borrowed time since it’s probably only a matter of games until one of his knees shatter. Artest got a ring last year, so he is significantly less interested this year. Lamar Odom is getting less playing time in the playoffs this year than he ever has, so he isn’t happy either. Plus he has to live with the fact that he ended up with the least pretty of the Kardashian sisters. And Phil is already thinking about the first thing he is going to do once he retires. Still, I’m not willing to write the Lakers off even though they are down 3-0.


“Would you shut up and drive before these nerds ask me another question. Who's this?”
-Kobe Bryant, this is Dirk Nowitzki. Dirk, this is Kobe. You two have never met each other? That’s so weird. Have fun battling in the playoffs for the first time guys. Inexplicably, Dirk and Kobe, two of the 25 greatest players in league history (Yeah, Dirk is definitely in that category) have somehow managed to dodge each other in the playoffs over the last decade. Combined, they have won 1197 games in the last ten years, and haven’t played in the playoffs since 1988, when players were wearing nut-huggers.
The series has been swung by not just the play of Dirk Nowitzki, who has been spectacular, but also the outside shooting of everyone who isn’t German. The Mavericks are up 3-0. That is a seemingly insurmountable lead. But don’t forget who the two teams are. The Mavericks are notorious at choking away series’ and losing games they were supposed to win. The Lakers are the two time defending champs, and as I mentioned above, I am not counting them out. All I know is this, the legacies of Kobe Bryant and Dirk Nowitzki will both be altered based on what happens in this series. Kobe not being able to get a sixth ring cripples any “He’s as good as Jordan” argument. For Dirk, he can continue to move up the ladder with every big win he gets. If he gets a ring this year he automatically passes Barkley and Malone on the list of All-Time Power Forwards.




Calvin Borel will be looking for a
fourth Kentucky Derby victory.

 “I'll tell you another thing, 6 to 1 odds our car is beat to shit.”
-I’m going to take the current 9-1 odds on Twice the Appeal to win the 2011 Kentucky Derby. Riding Twice the Appeal is one of my favorite athletes, Calvin Borel, who gives as animated of a post-game interview as anyone in the sporting world. He was won 3 of the last 4 Kentucky Derby’s, so why not this year? Place: Mucho Macho Man, Show: Stay Thirsty.

“And we're the three best friends that anyone could have!”
-Here is Miami’s Three Best Friends by the numbers this postseason.
Wade: 25.3 points, 7.3 rebounds, 4.9 assists
James: 25.4 points, 9.4 rebounds, 5.4 assists
Bosh: 17.6 points, 9.7 rebounds, 1.1 assists
Across the board, their numbers are pretty much the same as their regular season numbers with the exception of rebounds, where all three have upped their numbers. The statistical impact of the Big Three isn’t what has made Miami look like the best team in the playoffs thus far. It’s the fact that this is a team that for months has been criticized for their inability to play together, and right now through two games in the 2nd round, they are clicking just as well as any team in the playoffs. Their two games versus Boston have been extremely encouraging for me, someone who has been perhaps more critical of this team than anyone else. I have watched as much Heat basketball this year as anyone. I watched the Decision, the Welcoming Party, their Pre-Season games and just about all 82 of their regular season games. I am qualified from a knowledge standpoint to be writing for the Heat Index. For me to be able to say that right now, I feel more confident about Miami than I have all year is a tremendously exciting, and terrifying step. Wade and LeBron are becoming more cohesive on offense which is a visual orgasm at times, but it still disappoints me sometimes because LeBron James isn’t meant to be standing in the corner on offense as a decoy ever. Would I rather have LeBron doing the one-man show in Cleveland? Let’s see how the next month goes before I make that call.

NBA Playoff Podcast (Mid 1st Round)

Featuring Paul Clark

20 Questions NBA Playoffs Style

So March Madness concluded in less than dramatic fashion. In fact, I can’t remember a less entertaining championship game. Scratch that, I can’t remember a less entertaining game in general. I didn’t even watch a crucial stretch of the contest when Connecticut made their run and pulled away from Butler, who might as well have been Sacramento State because that is how awful they played. In my defense, it was an awful game and one of the most ground-breaking segments in Monday Night Raw history was taking place at the same time. It turns out I’m most likely going to be taking my talents to South Beach next April to watch The Rock and John Cena square off in the main event of WrestleMania 28… or so I hope. Despite the fact that the Championship game was as bad as Butler’s shooting percentage, it was still a terrific overall NCAA Tournament. And the same should be expected of this year’s NBA playoffs.

Don’t get me wrong, the NCAA Tournament is unlike any other sports postseason. The magic, the intensity, the passion. It’s special. I go banana sandwich every year when the brackets are announced, and I am then locked to the television for 3 straight weeks. Actually, the only game I didn’t watch this year was the Morehead State vs. Richmond game, and that’s because I was on my way home from Tampa where I saw Kentucky and Florida advance to the Sweet Sixteen. March Madness grabs ahold of even the casual sports fan, in particular my mother who improbably won The Captain’s Corner Tourney Pick’em where she not only ended up with the most points, but she also correctly selected Connecticut as the National Champion. Yes, March Madness is a fantastic event. But let’s not kid ourselves. The best “Basketball” post season isn’t March Madness. It’s the NBA Playoffs.

Let’s play a round of 20 questions focusing on the 2011 NBA Playoffs, among other things:

1: What should you readers not forget to do after reading this Playoff preview?

Listen to Paul Clark and I break down the NBA Playoffs in an edition of The Captain’s Corner! Sorry, that was a blatant and shameless plug… it had to be done though.

2: Which late season standings shift will prove to be most crucial?

Portland and Memphis both avoiding having to play the Lakers in round one. Portland by winning three of their last four games, including a win over the Lakers. And Memphis by blatantly tanking their last two games, putting New Orleans ahead of them in the standings (the 7th seed) which means the Hornets playoff run will come to a stop after four games. On the top half of the west, the Lakers snapped out of their late season slide just in time to get two wins in order to lock up the number two seed as Dallas goes in as the three, and Oklahoma City the four.

3: Which playoff team of this year won’t make the playoffs next year?
New Orleans falls out of the western conference playoff picture next year for four reasons:
A. Chris Paul mails it in next year, playing it safe so he can cash in on being a free agent in the summer of 2012. That’s even if he spends the whole season as a Hornet.

B. David West has a torn ACL, which means that even if he does come back next year there is no guarantee he will be the player he once was.

C. Outside of CP3, the rest of the Hornets team stinks. Chris Paul is going into the playoffs with Trevor Ariza, Emeka Okafor, Marco Belinelli, Carl Landry, Willie Green, Jason Smith and Jarrett Jack. Really? I pray that we don’t see Chris Paul waste his career with that bunch as his supporting cast.
D. The Clippers, Warriors and Rockets will post better records than New Orleans next season. That is my first 2011-12 prediction.

4: Who is the most hopeless team in the playoffs?

Record wise, it’s Indiana. But in reality, it’s either New Orleans (as mentioned above) or the Atlanta Hawks who for the second straight year are poised to get swept by the Orlando Magic. The main problem for the Hawks is Joe Johnson. Johnson reminds me of the prototypical 15 year old kid who throws a hissy fit to his parents because he feels like they don’t give him enough freedom and he deserves it. God, he’s 15 years old, he’s practically an adult!! After weeks of badgering, his parents appease to him and decide to give him more freedom, even though deep down they probably know he isn’t worthy of it. His curfew is extended an extra two hours and he gets an allowance. One month later he’s gotten his girlfriend pregnant, plus he’s suspended from school. When his parents hear about this news, it’s a guarantee that they are going to say “If you want to be treated like an adult, you better act like it!” That right there is my message to Joe Johnson. If you want to be treated like a franchise player, you better play like one. After banking in on the largest contract of all 2010 free agents, which is absurd considering he was probably the 7th best player who actually came from that free agent class (LeBron, Wade, Bosh, Amare, Boozer, Gay), Johnson has responded with his worst season as an Atlanta Hawk. Teams reflect their leaders, which isn’t a good sign for the Hawks.

5: Who is the most surprising starter on a playoff team?
I’ll go with Sam Young for the Grizzlies. Not so much because he isn’t a good player or anything like that. I just never would’ve thought he would be a starter for a playoff team, in the western conference especially. He would fit right in playing for Indiana or Philadelphia, but Memphis who had 46 wins? It’s mind-boggling. We can however give Sam Young the award for best shot fake in the league. He could very well win this pseudo award every season he plays in the NBA. In fact, in 2025 it will be named “The Sam Young Award.”

6: What is the best first round matchup between two players?
Marco Belinelli v. Kobe Bryant- Strictly for comical purposes.

7: What is the best first round matchup between two teams?
From a historical standpoint, you have to love the Celtics/Knicks first round matchup. It just makes sense that in the Knicks return to the playoffs they would be facing Boston. From a point scoring standpoint/excitement standpoint, it’s Oklahoma City/Denver. They are the third and first highest scoring teams in the playoffs respectively, plus I’m very intrigued by this Nuggets team. I’m totally convinced they got the better of the Carmelo trade, but I still have questions about who takes the big shots down the stretch for them now. JR Smith surely won’t be afraid to take them. But do the end of game plays get ran for Gallinari? Felton? Lawson? Plus I’m excited to see the Durant, Westbrook and Co. in their first playoff series as the favorite/a title contender. But the series that I think will be the best doubles as my sole upset of the first round. I like Portland to take down Dallas in six games in the first round. It seems like when Dallas blew their 2-0 series lead to Miami in the 2006 finals, their championship window was violently and abruptly shut. Then it was sealed shut after they lost to Golden State the following year. And last year the metaphorical window was taken out and replaced by a brick wall with a first round loss to San Antonio. Dirk is basically a one man show for a hurt and aging Mavericks team. Plus I am super high on Portland. Speaking of Portland…

8: What trade deadline move will have the biggest effect on the playoffs?
The sneakiest great trade deadline move was Portland stealing Gerald Wallace from Charlotte for the Vanilla Gorilla, Joel Pryzbilla. My only logic for how Michael Jordan decided to make this trade is that he felt awful for Portland. First they draft Sam Bowie instead of him with the 2nd pick in 1984. Then he rips out Clyde Drexler’s heart in the 1992 NBA Finals. But that move gave Portland a very intriguing 8 man rotation heading into the playoffs. Aldridge, Camby, Wallace, Matthews and Miller make up the starting line-up with Batum, Fernandez and Brandon Roy coming off the bench. If Roy could play like half the player he once was before we found out his knees were made out of Sam Bowie’s jersey, Portland could be a playoff sleeper.

9: Hypothetically if the NBA refs were told to fix games, which finals matchup would they absolutely not allow?

David Stern's
Worst Nightmare

Granger! Mayo! It’s the Pacers and the Grizzlies! The NBA Finals on ABC!

10: What’s your overall grade of the Heat’s regular season?
I give the Heat season an A-. Consider the following points:
-At one point they were 9-8, and I was getting ready to jump off of the hypothetical Heat Bandwagon while it was in motion and Erik Spoelstra was really close to becoming an ESPN analyst.
-This was the most hyped and hated team possibly in NBA history. The target was on their back every single night, and it was bigger than the target on any other team in the league. They still manage to finish with 58 wins, the third most in the league… But they were supposed to break the wins record?!? Jeff Van Gundy said so. Well, the truth is…
-This team is not that good. Sure, they have two of the five best players in the league, both of whom had unbelievable seasons considering the teams dynamics, but let’s take a look at the rest of the team. Carlos Arroyo entered the season as the Heat’s starting point guard, and was so bad that they released him to sign a seven-years-past-his-prime Mike Bibby. Bibby is a complete defensive liability who needs to be hidden by lightning quick rotations and great hustle plays by the other four players. I am happy to say that Bibby has impressed me thus far. He is their most reliable crunch time point guard which he very well should be since he’s taken plenty of big shots in his career. Behind Bibby at point guard there is Mario Chalmers who is an alright player, not great but okay. Better defensively than Bibby, but turnover prone at times. Also, Miami has Eddie House who did this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMUxJxhTsW8&feature=related... And that’s about it. Working our way through the rotation there is Mike Miller who missed a good portion of the season with a broken thumb, and since has as many concussions as Billy Bob from Varsity Blues and Troy Aikman combined. James Jones is a knockdown three point shooter when he is completely wide open, but something tells me the pressure of the playoffs might get to him. Besides Chris Bosh, the Heat are limited when it comes to inside scoring, or production in general. Udonis Haslem has been out nearly all season, and most likely won’t be back for the playoffs. The fact that no one has talked about this all season is a shame, and shows how underappreciated he is. His absence is like the Lakers missing in 2008 or the Celtics playing without Kendrick Perkins last year. Not that he is as talented as those players, but he plays a similar role. Juwan Howard, more past his prime than Mike Bibby backs up Bosh at power forward. The three headed monster at center is Joel Anthony (noted for his hustle, but lacks an offensive game or ability to catch the ball), Zydrunas Ilgauskas (has the ability to knock down an outside shot and recently developed a mean streak which is actually an underrated asset for a team that some have called “soft”) and Erick Dampier (I’m still trying to figure out exactly what Dampier brings to the table) In case you were wondering, the Heat’s three headed monster at center average a combined 9 points and 11 rebounds per game. To sum up around 500words in just four: The Miami Heat overachieved. It was foolish for anyone to think that they could win 70 games. We all got a little too hyped up in the YES.WE.DID campaign, the welcoming ceremony, LeBron’s mental notes and the Heat Index to realize that Miami has a lot of holes. And they still might win the title.

11: Just for the record, what are your official first round selections?
Bulls over Pacers in 5, Magic over Hawks in 4, Celtics over Knicks in 6, Heat over 76ers in 5, Spurs over Grizzlies in 6, Thunder over Nuggets in 6, Blazers over Mavericks in 6, Lakers over Hornets in 4.

12: What are some fun made up prop bets relating to the playoffs?

The Most Intimidating Face
in the NBA.

-How many times we see “The Kobe Face”- O/U 7.5
-How many times Mark Jackson says, “Hand Down, Man Down!”- O/U 29.
-Total minutes Shaq plays in the playoffs- O/U 110
-How many between-quarter interviews which Phil Jackson makes a sarcastic/snarky comment to the sideline reporter- O/U 15
-How many text messages/Facebook wall posts I receive after LeBron and the Heat lose in the playoffs- O/U 4.5
-How many times I’ll say the following phrase when watching the Bulls and Kyle Korver hits a three pointer, “You can’t leave the white guy wide open in the corner!!!”- O/U 15.5
-How many technicals given in a potential Miami v. Boston series- O/U 11
-How many girls Leroy hooks up with the rest of the Real World season- O/U 6.5

13: What are the most interesting potential future playoff storylines?
-The .00001% chance that at the first sign of trouble for Miami, Pat Riley fires Erik Spoelstra and takes over as head coach.
-LeBron unleashing basketball hell on the Bulls after Derrick Rose’s MVP ceremony before game one of the conference finals, similar to the Olajuwon/Robinson scenario from 1995.
-Dirk v. Kobe in the 2nd round, their first playoff meeting ever.
-The awkward moment when NBA TV analyst Brent Barry is forced to talk about how well Tony Parker played.
-Lakers vs. Celtics: The rubber match.
-Steve Blake’s chicken pox infects the entire Lakers team.
-Finding out that Reggie/Cheryl Miller is actually one person when a disgruntled Phil Jackson takes off Cheryl’s wig in the middle of an interview.
-Chris Paul demanding a trade immediately after New Orleans gets trounced by the Lakers in the first round.

14: Who is the most important player in the playoffs?
Derrick Rose might not be the best player in the playoffs (as far as we know right now) but he is the most valuable to his team, which is exactly why he will win the MVP award, and why he is the answer to this question. Nobody played harder over the grinding 82 game schedule than Derrick Rose. In case you were wondering, Vince Carter is last on the list. Rose kept Chicago at the top of the Eastern Conference standings even when Carlos Boozer and Joakim Noah were both on the sidelines. He’s dismantled everyone that has gotten in his way by developing an infinitely more consistent jump shot than he had last year, he gets to the basket quicker than anybody in the league, and like I mentioned above he busts his ass like 98% of guys who play this game don’t. And most importantly, he got his teammates to bring intensity and constant effort over the regular season. It takes a special player to have that kind of effect on his teammates.

15: Can this potentially be the greatest 2nd round in NBA Playoff history?
As Marv Albert would say, “YESSS!”

16: Why?
-Chicago/Orlando- Very intriguing, very competitive. The number one and number two MVP candidates going head to head in the playoffs in only the 2nd round… sign me up. How does Chicago, a great defensive team play Orlando, in particular Dwight Howard? Is Rose as effective getting to the basket with Dwight Howard in the middle? Who steps up besides the two stars?
-Miami/Boston- Bitter rivals, opposing styles. Did Boston destroy their chances of another title run by trading Kendrick Perkins or does the addition of another perimeter defender help them against Wade and LeBron? Do Wade and LeBron get bounced by Boston for a 2nd consecutive season? And the chance for fights/scuffles in this series is greater than any other potential playoff series. Nobody would complain about a 7 game Miami/Boston series.
-San Antonio/Oklahoma City- Old school v. New school, teams with similar management styles (build from within/high character guys). I don’t know for sure how much Duncan, Ginobili and Parker have left, but I am not counting them out. I don’t know for sure if Durant, Westbrook and the Thunder are ready for the big moment yet, but I am not counting them out. Plus, we finally see how important Kendrick Perkins is to OKC in this series.
-Los Angeles/Portland or Dallas- With Portland we see a team that matches up with LA about as good as any other team in the playoffs. Super long and athletic front line that rebounds the ball well. Big guards that might give the LA guards a little trouble. And an X-factor in Brandon Roy coming off the bench. With Dallas it might not be as competitive as a series, but we as fans deserve a Kobe v. Dirk/Cuban series.

17: What are your regular season awards?
MVP: Derrick Rose
Defensive Player of the Year: Dwight Howard
Coach of the Year: Tom Thibadeau
Rookie of the Year: Blake Griffin
Sixth Man of the Year: Lamar Odom
Most Improved Player: LaMarcus Aldridge

18: All-NBA Teams?
1st Team: Derrick Rose, Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Dirk Nowitzki, Dwight Howard
2nd Team: Russell Westbrook, Dwyane Wade, Kevin Durant, Amare Stoudemire, Pau Gasol
3rd Team: Chris Paul, Manu Ginobili, Zach Randolph, LaMarcus Aldridge, Kevin Garnett

Boston Rob, the greatest
Survivor of all-time.

19: Besides the NBA playoffs, what are other good TV options over the next 2 months?

What a time for television in the months of April, May and June. Besides the NBA playoffs, I will be watching Survivor Redemption Island, praying each of the remaining weeks that Boston Rob remains in the game. The Real World Las Vegas is a good television option, even though I am counting the days until the premiere of The Challenge, which debuts after the Real World Las Vegas season concludes. Of course I will be watching WWE Raw every Monday night. About three months ago I was skeptical of the direction in which the WWE was heading. I’m happy to say that I’m back fully on board. Plus, we have the NHL playoffs, which for some reason I get into despite the fact I don’t watch a single regular season hockey game all year. FYI: my prediction for the Stanley Cup is San Jose, which is based on… well nothing. And if that isn’t enough, the first Saturday in May kicks off the Triple Crown. I think I’m one of about 300 people in the world that watches ALL 6 hours of pre-race coverage before each of the three races. Between now and mid-June I will be spending approximately 800 hours watching television. That isn’t even an exaggeration.

20: Who wins the Championship?
Lakers over Bulls in six games. 20 years ago, Michael Jordan won his first NBA Championship against the Los Angeles Lakers. He went on to win a total of six titles. Kobe Bryant has five, and will win his sixth NBA Championship against the Chicago Bulls. The NBA has come full circle.

The Captain's Corner NBA Playoff Preview

Millionaire Weekend Podcast

Paul Clark joins me to discuss our "Millionaire Weekend" where we would go to both the Final Four and WrestleMania.

16 Teams Remain, 1 Future Favorite Team (Podcast Below)

As I look at my Yahoo! Sports College Basketball Tournament Bracket, which is coated in enough red to paint a side of a barn, I can’t even be upset about how utterly pathetic my selections were. For those who are wondering, I currently have picked 27 out of 48 games correct, good enough for 2191746th of all Yahoo! users (aka 23rd percentile). Despite the fact my bracket is as battered as Ronnie and Sammi’s relationship, I can sit here and say that I am 98.7% pleased with this tournament so far. The only way it could’ve been 100% is if Duke lost in the first round to Hampton, if I had a perfect bracket going at this point or if Gus Johnson came to my house and called every game from my couch as I sat beside him as giddy as a twelve year old girl at a Justin Bieber concert. The truth is none of those are ever going to happen. Well, I guess there is a slight chance for the Gus scenario if I ever become Mark Zuckerberg level rich and pay him to come to my house and scream “Rise and Fire!”

If you remember correctly, at the start of the season I proclaimed that I needed to have a favorite college basketball team and that would be decided by whoever won this years NCAA Tournament. Sixteen teams remain, and one of them will become the official team of Sonny Giuliano. Here is the official contract which I will be hypothetically signing after the NCAA Tournament is complete.

Sonny Giuliano’s Favorite College Basketball Team Contract

I, Sonny Giuliano, aka The Captain is now officially a fan of _______________________________. This is due to the recent crowning of ______________________________ as 2011 NCAA Men’s Basketball Champion. The stipulations of this contract are:

I. This school will remain my favorite team for four seasons. I will pledge my loyalty to this team in the first podcast after the NCAA Tournament.
II. After four seasons, I have the option of renewing my contract for as little as one to four seasons. This process can continue for as long as I wish.
III. I must buy or acquire at least one piece of team paraphernalia and wear it at least one time during the course of each college basketball season in which I am a fan of that team. I must also make at least three Facebook posts relating to my new favorite team. Any bracket groups I join to pick my bracket, I will join the “Fan of…” group for my favorite school.
IV. I will make sure that my knowledge of this team is far greater than any other team. I will track recruits and do my best to memorize their upcoming schedule. I will also familiarize myself with the school’s history.
V. I can opt out of my contract after one full season for any of the following reasons:
a. A coaching change which drastically changes the face of the school.
b. A major school infraction which takes away from recruiting.
c. I present good reason as to why I dislike at least 75% of players currently on the team in written form on my blog.
d. The team does not make the NCAA Tournament, or make the final four of the NIT in any season after the 2011 Tournament.
VI. If I do opt out of my contract before the four years is up, I do not have the power to choose my new favorite team. The upcoming seasons NCAA Tournament will determine my new favorite team for another four year period.
VII. If I choose to stay with the winner of the 2011 tournament for four seasons, and then choose to not to renew my contract, I am free to select my new favorite team either by any means (my own selection, NCAA Tournament winner, random draw, etc.)
Initials _________
Signature _______________________

With all of that being said, this is my preference for how much I would like to be an official fan of each school. 16 being lowest interest, 1 being most interested.

16. Duke- Well, what could I say about Duke? Nothing good really. I despise them at a cellular level. I can’t stand their biggest supporter, Dukie V. I hate how they get favorable calls from the refs. Their players are arrogant D-bags and I think it’s ridiculous that Coach K makes Chris Collins do his halftime interviews. Besides all of that, it would be a real pleasure to be a Duke fan.

15. Richmond- I like the Richmond story and I sincerely hope they beat Kansas for no other reason besides the fact that my bracket has been slaughtered and I would like to see a double digit seed in the final four. But chances are Chris Mooney is going to get a lucrative job offer at a bigger school which means Richmond will most likely take a step back in the Atlantic 10.

14. Marquette- Why would I want to be a fan a team that floats around the middle of the pack in the Big East on a consistent basis? I will admit that Buzz Williams gets the best out of his team, but do I really want to rely on a hard-working less talented team as my team?

13. Wisconsin- Surprising stat about Wisconsin under Bo Ryan, who I like many others feel is a terrific coach- Wisconsin has made the tournament all nine seasons Bo Ryan has been coach. Six of those nine seasons Wisconsin has not advanced past the first weekend… So do I really want to be a part of a team that has regular season success then disappoints in the post season? Well, if I were to become a Wisconsin fan that would mean they won the championship which means they didn’t disappoint this post season, so technically I wouldn’t be a part of that anymore… Alright, I’m getting dizzy.

12. BYU- I love this BYU team. If you know me you know I like to latch onto the players who carry their teams into the tournament (Adam Morrison, Kevin Durant, Stephen Curry, and Evan Turner). Now it is Jimmer Fredette. If you are a college basketball fan, you are currently living in the United States of Jimmerica. You have been Jimmered. My mom, who does not watch college basketball is even a Jimmer fan. She commonly refers to him as “the cute boy.” The only problem with BYU is after this year there is no Jimmer. There are only a bunch of Mormons who will forever live in the shadow of Jimmer.

11. Florida State- Even if Florida State makes a miraculous run to a championship they will still always be at best the third most important team in the ACC. Plus the Seminoles are absurdly boring. I would want to jump out of a building if I had to constantly cheer for them.

10. San Diego State- It’s difficult to tell if this is the start of a Mountain West powerhouse or if San Diego State is just a flash in the pan. They have had a tremendous year losing just two games in the regular season, and I feel like they are a championship threat this year. But I don’t really feel like this is going to be a sustaining program.

9. VCU- In the same boat as Richmond as far as possibly losing their coach to a bigger school, except VCU has shown the ability to remain a quality program even though they have had 3 coaches since 2002 (Jeff Capel, Anthony Grant and Shaka Smart). Also, it needs to be mentioned that VCU has absolutely ripped through their tournament opponents thus far defeating USC by 16, Georgetown by 18 and Purdue by 16. Can we credit this to the fact that they were much better than USC and had one more game experience than Georgetown and Purdue or is VCU really this good and they are peaking at the right time? I expect them to defeat Florida State in the Sweet Sixteen, and call me crazy, I’m not willing to say that they can’t beat Kansas.

8. Connecticut- If Connecticut wins the 2011 Championship they will have completed the best four week run in NCAA history, winning 11 games to win the deepest conference tournament and then the NCAA Tournament. Not to mention Kemba Walker will go down as one of the All-Time greatest college players if he could take a relatively mediocre UConn team to the championship. However, the story with Connecticut is similar to that of BYU. Kemba, much like Jimmer will be gone after this year.

7. Kansas- I’m looking for a winner as my favorite team and it is hard to argue with the Jayhawks credentials over the last few years. Big 12 championship after Big 12 championship sounds like a team I want to be backing. I can’t say that I completely trust Bill Self though. Even though he has a 236-45 record at Kansas and has won four Big 12 tournaments, he’s still been bounced three times in the first weekend of the tournament. I feel like I would go crazy not knowing what the hell to expect from my team.

6. Kentucky- There is a lot of upside for Kentucky as my favorite team and it all hinges on John Calipari. As long as Calipari is there, Kentucky is going to be in the top five of every recruiting class, which means they will be in the title picture every year. There is also a chance he could get fired next year when he find out he conducted some shady stuff with John Wall and DeMarcus Cousins last year. In that case, we start this whole process over again. That will be fun.

5. Ohio State- All signs indicate that I will be a Buckeyes fan starting April 4th. They have looked like the clear cut best team in the tournament. There might be some awkwardness going back to an Ohio basketball team after my sudden departure as a Cavs fan last July. I know the people of Cleveland were pretty upset with my move to South Beach. I’m not sure how the Ohioans will react to me coming back.

4. Butler- Butler on the other hand has proven they are not a flash in the pan. As I watched my elite eight pick Old Dominion go down to Butler in the first round, I realized that I simply picked the wrong team in that matchup that would defeat number one seed Pittsburgh. I knew Butler was going to beat Pittsburgh. They have a winning mentality (Duh, Winning!) and a never say die attitude (Dying is for fools, dying is for amateurs). Plus Pittsburgh is a big time underachiever in the tournament. I can definitely see the Bulldogs making another final four run. Butler, not Gonzaga or Memphis or Xavier will be the consistent mid-major power in college basketball as long as Brad Stevens stays there, and I can’t see him leaving.

3. North Carolina- It would be very easy for me to become a North Carolina fan. I have experience as a North Carolina fan (I hopped on their bandwagon during their title season in 2005) and I absolutely despise Duke. It’s a match made in basketball heaven. Not to mention their up and down style is amazingly fun to watch. I pray that if North Carolina does win this championship Kendall Marshall stays in college because I praised him as the best pure point guard I have seen this year.

2. Arizona- I don’t know a single Arizona Wildcats fan, and that excites me that I can have a team of my own; a team on the west coast that could soon become the class of the Pac-10 due to the ability of Jimmy Kimmel look-alike, Sean Miller to quickly turn Arizona into a contender again. If Arizona were to win the NCAA Championship this year that would mean that they beat Duke tonight. That feat alone might be good enough to make Arizona my favorite team.

1. Florida- The obvious number one choice is the Florida Gators. I have two years experience as a Gators fan, Paul Clark is a Gators fan, I’m a Florida Gators football fan. I like to think that I look good in Blue and Orange. And from experience, I know that the Gator chomp is butt loads of fun to take part in. I’ll be honest, I went to the Florida vs. UCLA game as a Florida fan and I almost called off the whole search for a favorite team. But that isn’t how the NCAA Tournament works. Every year coming into the tournament there is a big time favorite, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t play out the tournament. There is always the chance of a 16 seed defeating a 1 seed. I’m praying that it does not happen according to my rankings of the remaining teams.


Captain's Corner Featuring Paul Clark

Captain's Corner Tournament Preview Podcast

Despite the fact they are in a bracket pool against me, Paul Clark and Collin Stucko join me to work on a collective 2011 bracket.

Charlie Sheen and College Basketball Podcast

Paul Clark comes to the Captain's Corner to discuss the recent media frenzy surrounding Charlie Sheen, and the upcoming Conference Tournaments.